The Importance of Teaching Children About Emotions and 4 Simple Strategies to get started Today
We were recently at a park with friends and everyone was having a blast. But when it was time to leave, all the children reacted differently, ranging from big screams, arching backs, and children negotiating to stay. As parents, we can all relate to moments like this; the children in this scenario were experiencing different emotions (anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, etc.) but hadn’t developed the skills for coping with these big emotions. From infancy to toddlerhood, children learn what emotions are and how to express them. Experiencing emotions for the first time can be scary and overwhelming, especially while a child’s brain is still developing and they are trying to understand the world around them. Teaching children how to identify feelings, along with coping strategies, will support a child’s ability to express their emotions and manage them in everyday life. You may be wondering, where do I begin? The good news is that it’s never too early or too late to start teaching children about feelings and coping strategies to work through their emotions, and give your child the tools to problem solve, build frustration tolerance, and resilience.
Long-Term Benefits of teaching young children and Emotions
Talking about feelings with children has many short-term and long-term benefits for both the caregiver and the child. Children are at the beginning stages of understanding emotions but feel them intensely from a very early age. Daniel Siegel, doctor and author of The Whole Brain Child writes in his book that “research shows that merely assigning a name or label to what we feel literally calms down the activity of the emotional circuitry in the right hemisphere.” Talking about emotions helps children understand their experiences, which in turn helps them to make better sense of their worlds and then work to feel better when they are upset.
Before we dive into our favorite strategy for teaching children about feelings, we must first emphasize the importance of teaching these skills when children (and adults) are feeling calm. Effective teaching cannot occur when emotions are running high, primarily when the learning is directly related to how someone feels. Children cannot learn about emotions and appropriate coping strategies when they are having a difficult time in that moment. Imagine someone telling you to take a deep breath when you are at the height of intense feelings or strong emotions. This is usually the last thing your want to hear and can have the opposite effect. Instead, practice these strategies when you and your children are calm. Then the learning can happen.
Label the Feeling
Emotions are complex and hard to understand but affect every person daily. Labeling emotions is the first step in helping children understand their feelings. Children can benefit from learning about different emotions individually. One of our favorite ways to teach children about emotions is to draw a visual of one emotion (a facial expression like a smile or a frown) and ask children to help identify the feeling. Along with labeling the feeling, you can ask your child what their body feels when they have the feeling. Depending on your child’s age, readiness, and comfort, you can ask your child more questions about the emotions and share examples about how you feel emotions. Depending on your child, you may find it helpful to help them label their feelings when they have big emotions. Eventually, children will understand that people can feel different emotions throughout the day and more than one emotion at any given time
Role Play, Model, and Just Breathe
Being mindful of your breathing can help regulate the nervous system. It is a simple way to experience calm. Some of our favorite breathing activities include: pretending to blow out candles, blowing bubbles, and taking big lion breaths. Practicing taking deep breaths with your little one can benefit you both. The next step is to share our own experiences with emotions with our children, so they see that they aren’t the only ones who experience big feelings. Then, you can take an experience that they can understand. Share the feeling with them and the coping strategies you tried to help yourself feel calm. You can narrate in the moment or simply share a story of when you were experiencing different feelings. For example, share a story about feeling nervous about the first day working at a new job or feeling scared to try something new. Try simple role-playing activities like making faces in the mirror and guessing what the other person is feeling. If your child has a hard time losing games, role-play how it feels when you lose a game, and you are feeling disappointed and sad. Talk to your child about a scenario when they disagreed with a friend. You can talk about the feelings they had and strategize what they CAN do that will help them problem solve.
Calm-Down Basket
A calm-down basket is one of our favorite tools to incorporate into your home. It is helpful because it can move to different areas of your house and has favorite calm-down tools. Start by putting some of your child’s favorite books and a book about feelings. Add in some calming tools (fidget, pinwheel, coloring book, water timer, stuffed animal, soft ball to squeeze) that your child might feel respond well—practice using the calm-down basket when you are both feeling calm. Ask your child to show you their favorite items in the basket and practice using them. Talk about times when you might want to use the basket and how it might feel. For example, when someone is mad, they might feel like hitting or throwing—practice using a soft ball to squeeze from the calm-down basket instead.
Calming Routines
One strategy that is very helpful for families is incorporating calming activities into their routines. You can use playdoh, kinetic sand, or other sensory activities in your child’s day. Your child may enjoy downtime with an audiobook or soft music and a cozy spot. They might need to move their body by bouncing on a ball, spinning, or swinging. We like to think of this as teaching your child to give their body what it needs each day to help regulate and get through the hard parts of the day or week. Similar to working out for some adults, children benefit from these regulating routines. Depending on your child, you may find that they benefit from a variety of these activities or just a few. Next, head to your local library to check out some books about feelings. Reading books about emotions allows children to relate to a story or a character without talking about their feelings. They might not be ready to talk about their feelings, but they still learn about emotions through the character’s experiences. Stories can give children good strategies for coping, open conversations about their own emotions, and help children feel like they aren’t the only ones with big feelings.
Learning takes time
Learning about emotions will positively impact children for the rest of their lives. Learning how to identify feelings, accept them, problem solve, and coping strategies will help them through their relationships and hardships for years to come. Learning about emotions and working through tough feelings is not a quick and simple process; it takes time. It’s also never too late to teach children about emotions.
We love supporting families in creating an emotion-friendly home. Schedule a free consultation HERE or strategy session to learn how we can support you and your family.
